There was something I wanted to say in this entry, but then I went to change into my pjs, came back, and I had forgotten. I'm now clean, not that it matters. It's not like they were going to invent smell-o-vision in the ten minutes I was in the bathroom. ANYWAY.
I'm currently watching QI with David Tennant in it. I'm half paying attention; a cow's just appeared. I like Stephen Fry.
The title of this entry has nothing really to do with the film (which I have seen and isn't too bad) but is instead to do with exams, college and university. I'm nervous about all three of them. When I went to Taunton's (I'm presuming I don't need to explain that I'm not referring to the place but the college in Southampton? Good, right. Moving on.), although I was nervous before my interview, once I got in there I felt perfectly normal (or as normal as you can do when being interviewed!) and the same with Brockenhurst. I just sort of assumed that I'd get in, and I did none of this what if-ing business that I'm doing with university. There are several situations playing out in my head (hence the title. Now d'ya get it?). One where I get the grades I want, go to Chichester and am happy with my life. Now, let me make this very clear. I want to go to Chichester. I felt comfortable there, I liked the course, I liked the accomodation, I liked the shops, I like the fact that it's an hour from home, there wasn't (and still isn't) anything I didn't like about it. Another when I don't get the grades I want but get enough to go to Greenwich, which is my second choice because it was the only uni I picked with lower grade requirements (two Ds, I think. I'm not sure, I don't think it was three...). I haven't been to see it yet so I can't really pass judgement on it but I know it's not what I want, Chichester is. And although it would be fun to live in London, it would be an even bigger step. There are times when I feel like a complete child; despite the fact that I'm 18 and legally an adult it scares me that after I go to university I'll have to get a job and buy somewhere to live and do taxes and do all the boring things my mum and dad have to do that thoroughly confuse me. Another is that I fail spectacularly and end up not going to university at all and instead spend the rest of my life doing a job in which I can predict that I'm going to be doing the same time tomorrow. I don't want that. And I'm absolutely terrified about the fact that I don't know exactly what I want to do in the future- I seem to be able to decide about things like university courses but I can't decide what job I want. I used to want to be a journalist, but I went off that idea. I went to see Sally Taylor record at BBC Radio Solent and I relly enjoyed that, but I have no idea about radio production. I just...don't know. And while you could argue that I would have three years to work it out, I'm worried that at the end of that I'll still have no idea. Anyway, all worrying aside, I guess I wish that I could approach this like I did with my college interviews: remain calm, don't panic and getting what I want at the end of it. *insert sound of me making incomprehensible noises of worry*
On a completely different note, books arrived for me yesterday: An Abundance of Katherines by John Green and A Treasure Map of Boys by E.Lockhart (I've discovered via the acknowledgment pages that they know each other. This made me happy.). I finished reading A Treasure Map of Boys and I loved it; there are so many places where I can relate to the characters, I really wanted two of the characters to realise that they like like each other. There was a moment when it all went wrong but everything got resolved in the end, not in your typical happily-ever-after way, but it was still good.
I need to attempt to sleep now. My sleep patterns are...interesting.
B xxx :)
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