Eighty Two: 2011.

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."

Neil Gaiman

You may need a drink if you're reading this, it might help... :)

So yesterday I tried to write this blog, and I found that I couldn't. I tried to review the past year, saying how good it was, but it just didn't happen. So I closed my laptop, put on Being Erica, got out my diary and tried to work out why the past year had been so bad. I'm not seeing it's all been completely bad- I do have several good memories of the past year. It's like in the episode Vincent and the Doctor (Series 5, Episode 10 in case your were wondering), when the Doctor says "The way I see it, every life is a pile of good and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make the unimportant." But basically what it comes to is the fact that it's my fault. I haven't actually admitted to it, because when you're feeling bad the last thing you want to admit to is that it's your fault (unless it's painstakingly obvious, of course). And as a consequence I made bad decision after bad decision and kept trying to make bad relationships work for reasons I still don't understand because they weren't benefiting me or the other people involved. As a consequence of these bad decisions I find it hard to trust people, which is really stupid. There are many lovely, trustworthy people who I know and yet I decide not to trust them, simply because people in the past proved untrustworthy. It's pretty selfish. My brain has sort of come to the conclusion that all the people are the same when it comes to trusting them, which is stupid. Another consequence is that I've become scared of becoming too emotionally attached to people, so instead I distance myself from them. When going to university, I was more worried about losing the people I had in my life than about meeting new people, when it really should have been the other way round. It's awkward, because when I go back, I can't just walk into one of their rooms and say 'Hi, I realise I've been a bit shit these last couple of months and I missed out on the whole 'getting to know you' thing everyone did at the start of last semester because I was worried about losing my best friend, so if you don't mind re-introducing yourself, that'd be lovely. I hear you've got a brother, what's he like?'. Because if I don't appear weird enough already (what with my open love for books, Harry Potter and Doctor Who) that would probably put them off even more. I don't know how to talk to people anyway, and 9 times out of 10 when I open my mouth I generally wish I didn't and if there's too much silence I often say the first thing that comes in to my head. Which is often not good.

So basically a conclusion of this blog post is that I am ridiculous, 2010 has been ridiculous and I'm going to try (though I have no idea where to start) to make 2011 less ridiculous. Despite the somewhat depressing tone of this I'm actually in an alright mood. My sonic screwdriver came in the post today, as did Toy Story 3 on dvd which I watched this evening with my Mum and Peter. Mum cried at the end, like I thought she would. I'm now watching Russell Howard's Good News and afterwards Family Guy, which I haven't watched in a long time, and I've recorded Tim Minchin to watch later, and I suppose at some point they'll have some kind of countdown to the New Year so I'll most likely watch that.

Happy New Year, if you're reading this before midnight. Though I don't know why the time makes any difference...

B xxx :)

Eighty One: Home.

Apologies for neglecting you for so long...at this rate I'll be averaging a blog a month. Uni work has been crazy- in the last two weeks I've had four essays and two exams to do, the last of which was Thursday. Being home is mostly wonderful. I went to see my Nana yesterday for lunch, which was nice, and when I came home I sat down, my Mum made me bangers and mash (which is one of my favourite meals) and later we had pancakes and watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Everyone went to bed and I watched QI and Mock The Week while eating all the Malteser ones out of the box of Celebrations :P
This semester has been...long. The work hasn't been too bad, and I've enjoyed it which I guess makes it easier. I've made bad decisions, I've made good decisions. Such is life. I've appreciated home and my family a lot more but also learnt things I wouldn't have done if I'd not gone to university. I'm fairly certain I made the right choice in both course and university, and my life could be considerably worse. 
It suddenly struck me the other day how I'm going to be 20 in March, meaning I'll no longer be a teenager. It's a bit scary, seeing as I'm far from feeling -or as I'm sure my Mum would argue- acting like an adult. However, me and three other girls from my halls have put down a partial deposit down on a house for next September. I hadn't actually seen the house before yesterday, but they all assured me it was lovely, and on the way back from university we drove past it. They were right, and it's in a nice neighbourhood as well which satisfied my Mum. 
I'm at home now until Tuesday when hopefully (depending on the weather, though apparently Heathrow are prepared) we will be going to Mexico until 6th January. Some of my relatives were meant to be visiting us tomorrow (they've come from Australia) but they're staying in Brighton so I don't think they'll get to us. When I get back I'll have just under a couple of weeks at home before going back, when Semester 2 starts...this year will be over soon.
The Doctor Who Christmas special from 2008 is on, and although it's not one of my favourite episodes, I'm still going to watch it. 
Oh- and Merry Christmas. And have a good New Year. 
B xxx :)

Eighty: Fruit Gums.

"And if you're happy then I'll be happy for you

I hope everything you want it finds you too

But I'm gonna get as far as I can from here.."

As far as I can- Greg Holden

I'm currently eating out of a bag of Rowntree's pick & mix and have just finished eating all the ones that I like and now all that are left are the fruit gums. I don't like fruit gums. Anyway, I'm sure you're all really pleased to know that I have such a healthy lifestyle that I eat sweets for breakfast. I'm usually not bad at eating breakfast, but I can't be arsed to make anything at it being half 11 it's practically  lunch time.
Anyway, apologies for not writing a blog in so long, but university has been happening and stuff has been happening and it's all been a bit argh (at this point if I had it there would be a picture of me looking considerably older, pulling my hair out and walking around with a zimmer frame).
But since I last wrote:
-I got dumped my boyfriend for not having sex with him (yes, this is probably too personal to tell you but I'm past the point of caring).
-Handed in my Victorian Literature essay which I got a 2:1 for. :D
-Went home for Reading Week. Well, I actually went to the Lake District with my family. Which was nice. I actually did a lot of reading, though nothing that I actually needed to read. Picture:
-Signed up to something called The Sketchbook Project, details of which can be found if you click on the link.
-Started NaNoWriMo, which I am now epically behind on.
-Went home last weekend and had Christmas dinner with my family (because we're going to Mexico for Christmas and my Dad's going back to the ship on the 26th and although we'll all be together it won't be the same), relaxed and saw some people I haven't seen in a while.
-Went to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One and it was just...I don't know, there aren't really words. I loved it. It was properly scary in places, even though I knew what was going to happen because of reading the book. I almost cried in several places, the first being when Hermione erased the memories of her parents so they'd forget her, when Ron left and when Dobby died (a scene which I think they did beautifully, by the way). No doubt I'll  be going to see it again at some point, and demanding they play part two right afterwards.
University work now seems to dominate my spare time. I have four essays and two exams next month, spread out over two weeks in December and I don't know how I'm going to fit it all in.
Right, should finish getting ready and go and get lunch.
B xxx

Seventy Nine: :)

I am in a good mood. My family is coming to see me on Sunday and we're going out for lunch. It's the weekend at last, though this afternoon my lectures seem to drag on. Television Genre wasn't too bad, we did about reality television so that meant a lot of watching Big Brother. My boyfriend is wonderfully patient, for reasons I don't understand. He does want you all to know he's a sex magnet though...I bought a photo frame and Ludovico Einaudi cd yesterday from a charity shop for £3. Life is good. B xxx :)

Seventy Eight: University.

I meant to write a blog post before I left to come to University, but I found I didn't quite know what to say. It was fairly stressful in the couple of days before I left trying to make sure I had everything (which I've now discovered I didn't) and trying to put it all in the car, which amazingly, we managed. Once I was actually at university, I discovered my room was actually bigger than I thought it was going to be and there was- and still is- a lot of space for my books.
On the whole, I've settled in better than I expected. I was a bit homesick in the first week, which I didn't see coming but I think it was just feeling a bit out of my comfort zone and everything's a bit...here and there in the first week, what with induction stuff and registration and going out. The second night we were there it was the Beach Party, so Lydia and I went to town looking for stuff and I ended up buying black high heels instead...but they are very nice. The Beach Party itself was interesting, they had a surfboard like one of those horses that try to throw you off. Actually managed to stay on for more than a couple of seconds.
Actual degree is...interesting. Good interesting, if not busy. There's a lot to learn in English; my module for this semester's on Victorian Literature and we're doing Jane Eyre (which I actually need to finish reading at some point) which isn't as bad as I thought it would be, although there are some boring bits where no one does anything. Creative Writing is my favourite so far because basically all we do is exercises in which we have to write creatively (as you may have guessed) and I'm learning about things that are helping my writing and imagination. Media is the hardest; one of the modules is on James Bond and so I thought I'd be alright but it's just getting my head round it. My other module for Media is Television Genre, which although I've only had two lectures for so far, is the most interesting. All in all, it's not too stressful though I think that'll change as we get closer to Reading Week.
My housemates are nice. I don't have that much in common with them (they like Twilight, I like Harry Potter) but it works out well enough. There are only 12 of us- the boys are downstairs and the girls are upstairs. Our shower is cleaner than theirs but our kitchen is messier. I'm getting on better with some of the boys, in particular Rob, Alex and Mike (who I'll get on to in a minute) who are all nice (though I do think I should use a better word than nice. Mike suggested awesome, so I'm going to go with that). I don't know what it is, I just find easier to talk to boys than to girls, though there are a couple of girls in my English seminar group who are alright.
I suppose now I should talk about Mike, who when I asked to write something in this blog, only wrote this: "The weeks steadily grew better, mainly when I grew feelings for a housemate.  His name is Mike and he has dreamy blue eyes, soft red lips and hair to die for." Basically, he's my boyfriend.  He wrote a load of stuff about how we got together but it sounded stupid and you probably don't want to know anyway.
On that note, I'm going to go before he can type anything else...
B xxx :)

Seventy Seven: Forgetting Wednesday.

My Mum has been trying to keep me busy this week by doing things I don't really want to do but is a better alternative to moping around the house.

Monday my Mum was ill and I wasn't exactly a happy bunny (I don't understand why people call you that. Regardless of how I'm feeling, I'm still very much not a bunny. I think I'm human. I hope I am...) so we sat outside.
Tuesday we went to Hillier Gardens in Romsey because of my Mum's friend's sculpture thingies are there for a bit.
Wednesday we went to Mottisfont because they had a Beatrix Potter exhibition.
Thursday we went to some Lavender Gardens.
Friday I refused to get out of bed and when I did I sat on the sofa reading We wish to inform you that tomorrow we will be killed with our families ,played on the Wii with my brother, watched The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas, fell asleep about 2am.
Today I haven't done anything except go to work, which was the usual.

Last week was lovely except I can't for the life of me remember what I did on Wednesday. I know it was something, but I can't remember what. Anyway, Thursday I went to town shopping and failed at buying anything useful and instead bought Mockingjay. The beginning was the better part of the book, and there were some truly horrific scenes later, but I just didn't feel it was as good as The Hunger Games or Catching Fire. Still a good book, though. Read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy after that, which was good, if a little confusing in places. Friday was bowling with both past and present leaders of the Brockenhurst College Christian Union which was good. Afterwards we went to the Starbucks which is upstairs in what used to be Borders and is now Next Home or something like that. They had lots of pretty things in there that were probably too expensive but I want to take university with me. Speaking of university, tomorrow it's two weeks to go. I'm more nervous now.

I'm going to go now, but before I do, here's a link to my tumblr. I've been posting more things that aren't blogs but are too short to be tweets or something else, such as this one and this one.

Night.

B xxx

Seventy Six: On a more serious note.

"'I wish I'd known you better.' 'I think sir, you know me at my best.'"

The Doctor and Father Octavian, Doctor Who Series 5, Episode 5 'Flesh and Stone'

I was waiting for Friends to come on E4 this morning and wasn't really paying attention to what was happening on the tv (it was Desperate Housewives), when two of the characters had this conversation (I've called them A and B for simplicity's sake):
A: Because it wasn't enough, not compared to what she did for me...she's this amazing woman and I never bothered to get to know her...it would have been nice to do something before she was ashes.
B: That's a lesson we've all got to learn over and over. Appreciate people while we've still got them.

This couldn't have been a more relevant conversation to hear at this moment in time, particularly in light of the untimely passing of Esther . I didn't know Esther personally, like many other Nerdfighters, but she was a very inspirational person, and one I'd wish I'd know better (hence the quote up the top).

At this moment in time I am reminded of the good the internet can do- people, such as my mother, will judge the interent as a bad place where strangers are all paedophiles (I have no idea if I've spelt that right). Yet, when something terrible happens, such as Esther's death, the internet provides a community such as Nerdfighters- full of people who are all kind and offer support and comfort, despite the fact I know none of them. In fact, the majority don't even live in the same country as me.

Inspired by John Green's video of Esther Day, I'm now going to tell people I love them. I know I've already mentioned my family and friends several times in past entries, but I really do need to let several people know how much I appreciate them. However, I think I've done enough of that in blog form, so if I hug you today randomly, don't be surprised.

DFTBA.

B xxx

EDIT: Esther's family have set up the This Star Won't Go Out Foundation, visit it here.

Seventy Five: Something.

So blogger reliably informs me that the last time I posted was on Friday 13th August, and as you have probably gathered by the fact that I haven't posted since then, I've given up on BEDA. It wasn't a conscious decision, as with JEDI July, it just sort of happened without me realising it.

I just typed an entire paragraph about what I've done since then and it sounds boring, though it was far from it. Thursday, though, was results day. My alarm didn't go off when it was supposed to but I woke up at half 6 anyway. CDD, in case you were wondering, the C being in English Literature and the D's being in English Language and Critical Thinking (it amuses me greatly that I can get the same grade for one subject that I worked stupidly hard in and another for which I didn't even revise for the exam). I won't lie to you, I was disappointed and although I've said I was fine about going to Greenwich, I'd secretly (possibly subconsciously) hoped for Chichester. I poked my mum awake, told her what I'd got and then crawled back to bed. Got up later when I felt slightly calmer and said I was fine about Greenwich (I may have not entirely been telling the whole truth...) and waited for UCAS to let me log in (which it didn't for several hours) while watching Doctor Who dvds (they are oddly comforting). When it did, I found out Chichester hadn't technically rejected me yet, so more waiting. Eventually I got fed up, and the people around me were getting fed up and more than one person had suggested calling the university itself, so I did that and spoke to a nice lady who asked me for my reference number, and said she'd have go and speak to someone with regards to my application. I waited for about two and a half minutes (the longest two and a half minutes of my life, I might add) before she told me I'd got a place. I thanked her, hung up the phone, let out an odd squeaking noise, hugged my mum and danced around the living room.

Anyway, since then I've been relatively happy, I've been talking to people who are doing the same course and are living in the same halls as me and they're all very nice so I'm excited about that and I checked on the Admissions Portal today and the Induction timetable's up, so I have a bit more of an idea of what I'll be doing for the first week at least. I'm not really nervous (not yet, anyway) though various things pop up in my head now and again about what could go wrong, but I try not to think about them.

I know I did a blog entry earlier this month thanking people, but I'd just like to do that again: thank you. You're such lovely, wonderful people and why you put up with me I'll never know, and I love you all.

Mushy part over, it's now time for bed. Sleep before midnight, what do you reckon?

B xxx :)

Seventy Four: The Box.

Today I've been starting to chuck stuff out of my room, and in the process of doing so, I've started putting things in a box that I want to keep but I'm not to sure what to do with. Some of it means something, some of it I just find interesting, so here's a list:

-A little musical box I bought in Austria in 2006.
-An article about David Tennant that my Nana cut out for me.
-A Christmas card from Lydia.
-A tag from a t-shirt that I bought in Mexico.
-A receipt that we all doodled on at one pub quiz.
-An 'I <3 Norway' keyring bought last summer.
-A birthday card from Lydia from 2007.
-More pages of doodles from various pub quizzes.
-A luggage tag given to me by an Australian relative.
-One of those coins that you can get if you put money and a penny into a machine.
-10 Canadian cents.
-A tag from a pass holder I bought.
-A receipt from an Icelandic bank.
-A Doctor Who birthday card given to me by Lydia on my 18th birthday.
-A cabin key.
-A Sound of Music ticket.
-A Leading Student card from secondary school.
-A medal for participating in Race for Life in 2006.
-A ticket to see Michael McIntyre.
-A badge I wore to Guides.
-A paper hat from last Christmas.
-A Oceana pocket guide.
-A ticket from going on the Metro in Paris.
-Badges like my Dad wears when he's working.
-A Les Miserables ticket.
-Cruise cards from 2005, 2006 and 2010.
-A Sapphire Princess pocket guide.
-A badge from when I went skiing.
-A couple of those labels they put on your suitcase from Mexico this year.
-A Poll card.
-Drawings of blob/stick people that I did.
-A badge I wore to Brownies.
-A tube ticket from when I went to see Michael Mcintyre.
-A certificate for writing a 50,000 word 'novel' as part of NaNoWriMo.
-A Yahtzee score sheet.
-Tickets from when I went to see Sally Taylor at BBC Radio Solent.
-A bookmark from Cork, Ireland, advertising Harold's Planet. At the bottom, it says that Harold is hiding inside your head.
-Half of a bus pass holder with a piece of paper that quotes Jeremiah 29:11.
-A postcard of my favourite Banksy piece.
-One of those light up badges I wore on my 18th birthday.
-An old passport photo.
-A tag from my 'I don't speak Icelandic' t-shirt.
-A ticket to go on Eurostar.
-A tag from a present my brother gave me.
-A pass from Soul Survivor 2008.
-A card sent to me by my Mum in Summer 2008.
-My old passport.
-A card with a tram on it that came out of my Moleskine notebook.
-A peg from Soul Survivor with Hebrews 11:1 written on it.
-A prayer taken out of an old prayer journal.
-A 'Happy mood patch' card given to me by my brother; based on the idea that you can sell emotions, taken from the Series 3 Doctor Who episode 'Gridlock'.
-A key ring from Ireland.
-A travel pass from first year at Brockenhurst.
-A cinema ticket for High School Musical 3.
-A tube ticket from when I went on a Sociology trip to London during my first year of college.
-A library card.
-Various photos of my friends and family over the years.
-A postcard from France.
-A guide to magnetic poetry.
-A 2007 tube map.
-A medal I got for piano in primary school.

Sorry if this has been slightly boring.

B xxx :)

Seventy Three: Senses and other things.

Today, I saw: One of my favourite episodes of How I Met Your Mother, called 'Girls Vs Suits'.
Today, I heard: various songs when I put my iPod on shuffle, including Love Lockdown by Kanye West, which I haven't heard in a while.
Today, I smelled: Something odd in my living room which won't go away despite hoovering and cleaning the floor.
Today, I touched: my Penguin. Well, I hugged him.
Today, I tasted: Party Rings which Lydia bought round when she came this morning.
Today, I felt: Tired but happy.
Today, I enjoyed: Lydia coming round and the pub quiz tonight, despite the fact we came last.
Today, I got: Quantum of Solace from LoveFilm in the post.
Today, I bought: Some chips at the pub.
Today, I read: A review of Sherlock by The Guardian.

B xxx :)

Seventy Two: Trock Education.

I forgot to write a blog yesterday. To be honest with you, all I did yesterday was sleep and watch tv, and neither of those things are particularly interesting, so I'm just going to educate you in Trock (that's Time Lord Rock) with these two songs:





I'll see you later.

B xxx :)

Seventy One: I hate having to think of blog titles.

So this morning, at about four or five a.m. the rain woke me up, and I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I started thinking about the following things:


1. Time.
2. People.
3. Decisions.


1. In particular how time passes. You and I both know that there are sixty seconds in a minute, sixty minutes in an hour, twenty four hours in day, seven days in a week etc. However, these logical facts seem to go out of the window in two situations: when you don’t want something to happen (time goes too quickly) i.e. Monday morning, exam results, having to do something you don’t want to do etc and when you want something to happen too much (time goes too slowly) i.e. last lesson on a Friday, waiting to meet someone etc.


2. In particular how people are close minded. I’m not thinking of anyone in particular, but I was thinking of my pet peeves and I think this is one of the biggest. This probably makes me a hypocrite as I’m sure I’ve been close minded quite a few times in my life, but what I really don’t like is when people are so adamant that there opinion is the only one that’s right, and that therefore everyone’s else opinion is wrong. The kind of people who just refuse to listen.


3. In particular how decisions seem so much easier to make after you’ve made them. Seriously, think back to a decision you’ve made and nine times out of ten the most obvious decision to make was staring you right in the face.


Anyway, today I went shopping in Tesco and bought more food than I need because I like to eat and got my photos taken in the photo booth thing for my meal card for Chichester. Came home and tidied up because my mum’s friend Helen and her baby Emily (who is now about seven months old and keeps growing every time I see her) came round and Emily played with my Penguin. She tried to eat him, actually. They left and I lounged around, procrastinating from doing anything useful. I got a card from my mum, with some postcards to post to other people so there’s that to do tomorrow.


B xxx :)

Seventy: Good mood continues.

Today I went to see Toy Story 3. I wasn't too sure what to expect, having not really seen any of the trailers for it (the only related thing I've seen about it on tv is an advert for pull ups, which doesn't really tell you anything about the film...) and only heard that it was really good from various people. It went far beyond my expectations- I think I may prefer it to the first two. I won't tell you what happens in the film itself because there are probably many, many places where you can read a more articulate summary than what I could give you, so I'll just tell you that I thought it was really clever how all the little things that you didn't pay attention to were suddenly vital to the plot and the ending was emotional- the kind of thing that my mum would have cried at.

I fell asleep on the sofa bed in the conservatory listening to the Ricky Gervais show on my iPod, as is becoming a habit these days; one that I need to get out of actually because it means I don't sleep at night. I watched the last episode of Sherlock, which had a more frustrating ending than that of FlashForward. I don't know if they're making a new series, but I don't think they'd leave us with an ending like that if they weren't.

Today, I saw: This video, which everyone should watch, particularly if you're a fan of Doctor Who, or like Trock.
Today, I heard: The latest Nowhere Near News podcast, which is genius.
Today, I smelled: Popcorn in the cinema.
Today, I touched: A cookie that had been in my bag for about a week and a half, only I hadn't noticed it was there because it was covered in a black tissue.
Today, I tasted: Baked beans. I couldn't think of anything interesting...

I'm watching last night's Three in a Bed and they have a bathroom with a jacuzzi bath and a tv. I need to visit Blackpool.

On a final, scary, note: This time next week my mum and my brother will be home, and it's only 9 days to exam results. How did this happen?!

B xxx :)

Sixty Nine: Moments like these.

Ever so often, when I get stressed or I'm feeling down, I think back to a particular time when I laughed, or an evening as good as the one I've just had. I came last once and second twice (Yes, I did have to think about that then) which wasn't too bad. Lydia and I discovered that the balls we were using were designed for men, and the balls Dominic and Andy were using were designed for women...

Anyway, neither Lydia or I had had any tea so we went to the drive through (or 'thru' as they're written. I just couldn't bring myself to write it.) at KFC, where I had the zinger meal, which I haven't had for a long, long time and I'd forgotten how hot it was (my method for eating it probably didn't help: I tried to put as much of it in my mouth as possible). Andy and I got ice creams from McDonalds and we all sat in the car, commenting on random stuff. On the way home we listened to the radio and disovered some kind of American station that talked about road rage; one of the men who spoke had one of those accents that are just ridiculous.

To sum up: I know none of the above makes sense, but basically I had a good time so that's always good :)

Today, I saw: A baby with a very odd hairstyle.

Today, I heard: A song that reminded me of someone.
Today, I smelled: Nail polish remover and nail polish. Most people tend to hate these smells, but my nail polish remover smells orange-y so I don't mind.
Today, I touched: A bowling ball.
Today, I tasted: That zinger meal. My throat will recover.

I'm trying to type 'practically' using predictive text, only it comes up with 'spatialy'. That's right, my phone invents words now.  
 
I'll see you tomorrow. Oh, I forgot to update on my goals...I don't think I've achieved any of them, though this morning I flicked through a book on the Sony Walkman but it has some...'interesting' pictures. I've just searched on Google but they've obviously decided they're too weird for people to see.
 
Good night. I'll see you tomorrow.
 
B xxx :)

Sixty Eight: Normality.

Two facts about what I've done today:

-This morning Lydia came round.
-This afternoon I went shopping with Nana and bought some more stuff that I don't really need, like these boots, this ring and two Series 5 Doctor Who dvds.

I'm going to take an idea from this blog, which is:

Today, I saw: Some old YouTube videos that made me laugh.
Today, I heard: About a million screaming children who decided to be in town at the same time I was.
Today, I smelled: The rain.
Today, I touched: Many soft things, including a fur handbag. It was...odd.
Today, I tasted: The best Millionaire's Shortbread from John Lewis. Worth the price.

B xxx :)

Sixty Seven: 'Oh, I almost forgot to write a blog entry...'

I bought quite a lot of junk food today because I could, and as the lady (she was called Antoinette. I immediately thought of Doctor Who.) did the beepy thing and packed my bags (this makes me sound lazy but in Tesco Express they do it for you. Anyway if you think I'm lazy then the bathroom place and the shops next to it still have their Christmas lights up. In August.) I wondered if she judged me by what I was buying. I do it frequently in Oxfam- if somebody buys Twilight, for example, I instantly judge them to have a bad taste in literature.

Anyway, if you think I'm weird for thinking these things, my mum rang from Alaska and said "Beth, I feel a hug coming on. I hugged a tree and I thought of you." She then went on to advise me to hug my penguin and that she would hug her stomach.

I'll see you tomorrow.

B xxx

Sixty Six: Fashion related stuff.

I don't really feel like talking about my day, so instead I'm going to share with you a few of my favourite pages from the A/W 2010 edition of Elle Collections. It is a work of art.

You can't see but the cover is actually full of models in differnet colours. Pretty.

I wish I had a better camera so you could see the colours of this,  because I love them. It almost makes me look forward to Autumn.

These are all the invitations that get sent. Some of them are very creative.

I like the nails here.

I wish I had these shoes and the ability to walk in them.

<>

And now blogger won't let me add any photos so you're just going to have to have these.
B xxx :)

Sixty Five: Thank You.

The following people above (apart from me) and many more have all been incredibly...well, I hate to use the word, but- nice. They are all very lovely and patient and I love them all.

B xxx :)

Sixty Four: Relationships of most kinds.

"Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts."

Charles Dickens

So a couple of months or so ago I said this on twitter.

I thought now would be as good time as any to actually start that.


First of all, the types of relationships we have with strangers. Back in June when I tweeted that, I had just had my first experience on Omegle. I found it somewhat disorientating. I still felt self conscious, despite the fact that I was talking to a complete and utter stranger who wasn’t to know whether I was telling the truth or not and I could, in fact, be anyone who I wanted to be. A perfect route of escapism, if you will. If you wanted to, you could literally spend hours pretending to be someone who you’re not. Anyway, after disconnecting the many perverts, horny men and the just downright weird, I found a couple of people who were actually using the site to communicate with people positively. For example, someone said 'you're beautiful/handsome, don't change who you are!' before disconnecting. Someone else said 'Everyone in this room, they got troubles too. Secrets, stories and lies that we never knew...' (I’ve just googled that last one because I thought they might be song lyrics, and they are).


The internet is really one big collection of strangers, and a particular collection of strangers I’ve started to become more involved in is the YouTube community. People have argued that the community has changed too much, that YouTube ‘celebrities’ as they are now known are simply trying to making a profit and have led to a ‘downfall’ in the community, that it no longer exists. I’ve been fairly apathetic towards the situation up until recently when I’ve started to notice some particular examples of how the essence of the community hasn’t changed- for example, the fact that simply by voting, the Harry Potter Alliance won $250,000 to help decrease world suck and generally do amazing things like, well, this explains it pretty well. This year I’m going to Summer in the City, which is my first YouTube gathering. I’m also going by myself. The people on the Facebook page and on YouTube and have been wonderfully reassuring. As Jazza put it in his latest blog entry: "Whenever it is someone’s first gathering, they are meeting people that may become long standing features of their world. YouTube attracts a certain kind of person; we’re all a bit too nerdy for our own good, we all like meeting new people and we all like to show off a bit. No matter how much YouTube changes, no matter how commercial it will or will not become, whether you call them a Pogotribe, Nerdfighters or just plain YouTubers, this kind of person will still be coming to these kinds of meet-ups."


A completely opposite to the relationships we have with the strangers are the relationships we have with family and friends. Family are the people who are supposed to know you best and to some extent I think they do- for example, my mum claims to know she can always tell when I’m upset. I used to think parents- my parents in particular are a good example of this- were too protective of their children. I haven't really been able to understand the emotional link parents have with their children, not being a parent myself, not until about six months ago when a few of my mum's friends/relatives started having children. Before that, I have never felt any real desire to have children, never understood why people ooh and ahh over tiny screaming babies. However, when my mum's friend handed me her ridiculously small baby about six months ago and I watched as she sleepily opened her eyes and grabbed my finger (actually it was more like she grabbed my fingernail, probably in amazement at the length of it.), I felt a lump in my throat, and I understood why parents feel the need to protect their children. Anyway, this has been a bit mushy *coughs*. Let's move on.


I think friendships are on the hardest types of relationships. They usually require the most effort when things go wrong, yet are often the most rewarding. They require a great deal of trust. I'm personally not good at making friends- I talk too much, I try too hard and I know I'm too weird. However, there are times when the other person will graciously look past this and we get to talking about something we have in common (with Lydia it was books, Harry Potter and Hobbycraft, I think).


Friendships can develop in all sorts of ways, and one of the more positive ways they can develop is in to a relationship. Practically all of the boys I've gone out with I've been friends with first. However, it never seems to end well. This is how it goes- I meet someone, become friends with them, they tell me they like me/I tell them I like them, we go out, I get dumped. What I'm far more experienced in is unrequited love. It is an unfair, cruel and horrible thing that shouldn't exist, but yet it does and dealing with it is something I have yet to work out how to do affectively.

There are also relationships I haven't experienced, but may do in the future. I admire people in long distance relationships- whether the distance between them is a couple of hundred miles or a couple of thousand. My parents are a sort of example for this- my dad works as an electrical engineer on cruise ships for about half of the year. When my mum comes back from holiday, there will be goodness know how many miles between her and my dad (who is in Alaska at the moment). Another relationship that I haven't experienced- and I can't say at this moment in time whether I will or not- is the kind of relationship that has lasted decades. I'm talking about the elderly couple who you see walking down the street holding hands that have been together for goodness knows how long and are still in love. Sounds impossible, but it happens.

To predict the rest of my day, I’ll probably finish watching Sherlock as I’m half way through the first episode (by the way Benedict Cumberbatch is a fantastic name. What were his parents thinking?), sunbathe if the sun comes out, finish reading You Shall Know Our Velocity, start on reading for uni, see if I need to get any more food/drink for tonight’s film night, hoover and then flop on the sofa.


B xxx :)

Sixty Three: Quiet please.

You can expect this entry to be fairly short, by head feels like a John Green bobblehead- oversized and a bit too heavy to be attached to my body.

Today has been frustrating to say the least, and right now all I want to do is find a pillow and a bed, preferably mine, and be in them.

I will see you tomorrow, when I'll finished my blog/essay on relationships I promised you months and months ago, and when hopefully the quality of my entries will improve.

B xxx

Sixty Two: August.

"You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling."

Eames, Inception

Seeing as I failed at JEDI July, I thought I would attempt BEDA (Blog Every Day in August). This month promises to be more interesting than last month.

Along time ago I used to set myself weekly goals and I thought for this month in particular I would start doing that again. It ensures I don't just procrastinate by sitting on twitter/facebook/insert other pointless social networking site here and hitting the refresh button. So:

1. Read books for uni.
I know this needs to be done but I've sort of avoided doing it. I think I'm worried I'll read them and think they're written in a foreign language when the reality is I'll probably be able to understand a lot more than I think.

2. Read other books.
I'm half way through You Shall Know Our Velocity and it's a good book, so I wanted to finish reading that and make a start on the other books I listed in my last entry.

3. Prepare for/go to Summer in the City.
I am, at the moment, more nervous than excited. There is so much that could potentially wrong that I don't really want to think about it- just getting there is going to be interesting enough. I have come to the conclusion though that should I get there and I proceed to talk too much/make an idiot of myself etc, then at least I'm still in London. A few people on the Facebook event page have said they're going by themselves too, so that's a bit reassuring.

I can't think of any others right now so maybe I'll update if I think of any more.

Seeing as I've started on a Sunday, weekly goals will start then.

This hasn't been a bad first entry, I suppose. You can expect them to go downhill from here.

B xxx :)

P.S. After falling asleep on the sofa this afternoon for a couple of hours I can confirm that I am officially old. I'll be ordering a zimmer frame next.

Sixty One: Day trips.

"The smallest bookstore still contains more ideas of worth than have been presented in the entire history of television."

Andrew Ross

These are the books I have to read and haven't:
-The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
-The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera
-Breathe by Anne-Sophie Brasme
-If nobody speaks of remarkable things by Jon Mcgregor (despite having this since my birthday...)
-How to be lost by Amanda Eyre Ward
-Rules for saying goodbye by Katherine Taylor
-Bloodtide by Melvin Burgess
-The Memory Box by Margaret Foster
-The Piano by Jane Campion and Kate Pullinger.

These have mainly been accumulated from the various trips I've been on- to Weymouth last Sunday where I found a brilliant second hand bookshop that I could have quite happily spent all day in- and to Dorchester on Wednesday where there were lots of charity shops.

Weymouth was nice. I don't know if you can see in this picture there are sand sculptures of the characters of Alice in Wonderland:

Here is a picture of the beach:

We then went to the Water Gardens, which were pretty:

Apologies for the picture spamming. Although these were cute and fluffy:

Clearly it's only me that thinks so.

I didn't take that many pictures in Dorchester because all we did was go shopping so instead you can have this picture of my Nana in a hat:

I don't know what it is but every time we go shopping I feel an urge to put things on my Nana's head and take pictures. Easily pleased.

University updates: got accommodation at Chichester. It's in Hammond, which means shared facilities and is catered. I have nothing else to say about this at the this moment in time- I was properly annoyed yesterday. It's less than three weeks to results. I am impatient. GIVE THEM TO ME NOW.

Off to film and edit videos and attempt to do something productive with my day.

B xxx

Sixty: Alright?

"Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia. You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present."

Looking for Alaska- John Green

Why hello there. I realised in my last entry that I said I would be back in August, and I know that it's not, but never mind.

Right. Updates. On Saturday it will have been a month since my last exam, though it doesn't feel like it. The amount of reading and writing I've done has gone up- I entered a writing competition (it would have been two but that's a long, fairly embarrassing story in which I got the wrong deadline) and there's a poetry competition at the end of the month. I've actually started using my Goodreads account so you can look at all the books I've been reading. Though it says I'm currently reading four books and the only one I've actually started reading of those four is The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I shall start the other three soon. Speaking of books, I've got my university book list for Chichester. Freaked out when I first saw it but now I've got all the books it's not too bad. It helps that as a Joint Honours student my modules have already been decided for me- Literary History and Creative Writing. Some of the other modules sound more interesting than Literary History but I'm sure I'll be able to do those at some other point. Greenwich haven't sent me anything yet, and all their website is 'Students typically spend around £350 on books a year.' :O Have they not heard of Amazon?

I've just realised that it's less than a month to exam results. I am impatient to know them.  don't think I'll be nervous, I just want to know so I know which uni I'm going to. I don't think I'm going to Chichester, but I've got used to the idea of Greenwich and look for the positives in going- huge uni library, possible work placements at publishing houses/newspapers/radio stations in London, fabulous market and shops, plus relatives just down the road. I think I'm also looking forward to the independence uni brings, as well as meeting new people.
In other news, my summer is going okay. Going quite slowly and it's too hot, but I don't miss college, except the people. Been to town a couple of times; ate a lot at Pizza Express the last time. Want to go to the cinema to see Toy Story 3 but have no money to do so- because I'm going to Summer in the City. I sorted out travel and accommodation yesterday. Only today did I realise that I'm supposed to be in Brighton on the Friday. I could just go SitC on the Saturday instead, but I think it's important to be there on the first day. Quite a few people said that it was their first gathering and that they were going by themselves so that made me feel less anxious. Anyway, we'll see. Off to town with Nana tomorrow, pub quiz in the evening though I don't feel like it. Friday I should probably tidy and clean up the house, Saturday is Oxfam, Sunday is Weymouth.

Right, I'm going to go now 'cause How to Look Good Naked is on and I have some Ben & Jerry's to eat.

B xxx :)

Fifty Nine: It's July.

"'If you knew it would hurt me then you must have known you were doing something wrong- you don't even make sense!'"

Belle/Hannah - Secret Diary of a Call Girl

I'm really only writing this blog to let you know for every day in July I will be posting blogs here as part of Lydia's JEDI July (Journal Every Day In, in case you were wondering. Nothing to do with Star Wars.) project, and then I shall be back over here.

But before I go, I wanted to do some updates and stuff, starting with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. You can watch the trailer here, in HD and widescreen and that fancy stuff,if you wait for it to load. First of all, I'm excited as I knew I inevitably would be (despite the fact that no one else seems to share my exictement...) but also a little nostalgic because it's all coming to an end. Though the second part isn't until July next year. 

In other news, I'm now done with exams. I'm pretty sure I've failed English Language, I don't really care about Critical Thinking and I don't know about English Literature, so if I get my results and I end up going to Greenwich, I wouldn't be entirely surprised. And I'm feeling a little bit better about going there since we went for the Christening, but it's still not Chichester.

I forgot to mention in my last entry that I'd also read a book called Forbidden by Tabitha Suzuma. It's about a brother and sister who fall in love.I was a little sceptical at first, as I really couldn't imagine being in love with my brother, but it's a good book.

Anyway, I think that's everything, so I'll see you next month...

B xxx :)

Fifty Eight: Oh hello.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Eleanor Roosevelt

I didn't really mean to not update this blog for about three weeks...it just sort of happened. For your patience, I reward you with a list of things I have been doing lately:

-Exams. Are actually not going too badly- I have been remarkably calm in the last two. Last one is on Thursday.
-Books. I finished reading Friends Like These by Danny Wallace at work. I found it funnier than Yes Man. Today I finished reading The History of Love by Nicole Krauss- don't let the title confuse you. Though it is a confusing book and I only realised about 3/4 of the way through how all the characters are related. I'm now reading The Five People You Meet in Heaven, which is so far proving interesting.

-Work. Lynda (aka my now ex-manager) left Oxfam. Planned to write a blog on it, but thought I might save it for JEDI July in case I run out of things to talk about.

-I was also saving a blog on relationships, which I might do in several parts, either for JEDI July or for BEDA (this year happening in August).

-Omegle. I have now been on several times, the first with Lydia, in which we met some perverts (as expected), a man from New York and tried to convince someone we were underwear models.
-Doctor Who. I wasn't too sure about the episode with James Corden in it but I ended up liking it because it showed another side of the Doctor. This week's episode...I was happy but suspicious that Rory was back and I'm glad that Amy remembers him and I don't know how the Doctor is going to get out of the Pandorica, but he's the Doctor. He'll get out. And Amy can't die, because according to Issue 420 of Doctor Who Magazine, she's coming back for the next series. All in the all, I've liked this series but I think the Doctor needs to wear these more often:

-Christening. Was lovely. Pictures on Facebook and some others on my tumblr.
-Speaking of tumblr, I'm doing a project over the summer called indievisual sum up my summer, in which you basically take a picture every day between June and September. You can find more details here. I haven't really had the time to think about what I'm taking pictures of, though I think this one turned out well.
-Summer plans: write more, do more art, sort out stuff for uni, work at Oxfam, read more, go to the beach, generally relax.

Right. Off to go and eat dinner and then film night later.

B xxx :)

Fifty Seven: On a more positive note...

This is going to have to be quick.

Right. First of all, Doctor Who. How could they kill Rory? I was a bit against from him from the start as I was intrested to see where Amy's and the Doctor's relationship was going, but ever since Amy's Choice, I've wanted Amy to be with him. I didn't want him to die. There isn't really a decent picture of him anywhere, but this is as close it gets:

It was my favourite episode since the first one.

In other news, I went to see this last night:

I loved it. It was dancing perfection. I loved the dancing, the music, the dresses. I'm envious of all of them.

Haven't read many books lately, going to order some off amazon soon.

I had this conversation with my nana and my mum yesterday:

Nana: Nuggies.

Me: No.

Nana: Buggies.

Me: No.

Nana: Huggies.

Me: Nana, they're a type of nappy!

Mum: Think about it; they're jeans and leggings.

Nana: Juggies.

Me: No,they're jeggings.

Nana: Oh, jeggings! I remember now.

B xxx :)

Fifty Six: Probably TMI.

"And you tell me life's a bitch

But I don't really think you get this

And I wish that I'd not let you in any more

And I wish that I'd been a bit fussier about the kind of people that I let

through the door..."

Why I shouldn't have let you in- Tom Milsom

I'm currently listening to Tom Milsom and vaguely paying attention to  film on the background called 'Stuck on You' which so far is alright, I suppose. Though why they chose Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear to play conjoined twins I really don't know, because they look nothing like each other. Obviously they're not meant to be identical, but hey, they're meant to be related.

On another film related note, my brother and I watched about half an hour of The Dark Night before deciding that it was rubbish. I still have another film to choose for this month, so if you've got any recommendations, open fire. It's now June, so I can choose two films for this month. Recommendations please.

College is rubbish at the moment, and I can't wait to never have to go back. I skipped double Critical Thinking today last Wednesday to have lunch with Helen and talk about a whole bunch of things that are bothering me. It was good to have a different perspective on things. Anyway, we ended up going back to college to hang out with Katie, who was revising for her exam and we had a laugh pointing out the random things in her science textbooks and noticing the certain floral underwear of girls with practically see through skirts. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what I spend my spare time doing. Although I've now officially left and it's half term and then study leave, I'll still be going back for revision sessons.

Exams are getting scarily close and if I'm not revising, then I'm worrying. I only have three of them (or two if you don't count Critical Thinking, which I don't. I'll turn up, but I'm not revising for it) so it could be worse and this time next month I'll be done. It's two weeks to my first exam (English Lit) and I'm panicking because I don't know anything. I'm surrounded by paper with notes about quotes and themes and stuff and none of it seems to be going in. The truth is, I've partly given up. Although I may do okay on English Lit, English Language is impossible. I know I'm probably going to end up going to Greenwich and although I don't really want to go to uni there, at least it will be further away from home.

And now to the reason why currently at the moment as to why I want to be further away from home. Yes, you guessed it, it's a boy related thing (primarily). I really liked him. Think I still do. I'm pretty sure he hates me and it's my fault, simply because I over reacted to something. I was wrong, and as a result of that, he said some stuff. A conclusion of this is that I don't think people should be allowed to walk into your life, mess you around and then walk out again; I don't understand how you can stop caring about someone. I don't have my feelings on a switch.

Anyway, so I'm a little stressed. Oh, and Jayne Geary (aka Key Skills teacher) has put me on Amber. There are no words that express how little I care about that subject, and is fairly low down my priority list.

I promise another blog soon that's more 'normal'.

B xxx

NB: This entry has taken quite a long time to write and was in fact written over 6 days. Just so you know.