Seventy Six: On a more serious note.

"'I wish I'd known you better.' 'I think sir, you know me at my best.'"

The Doctor and Father Octavian, Doctor Who Series 5, Episode 5 'Flesh and Stone'

I was waiting for Friends to come on E4 this morning and wasn't really paying attention to what was happening on the tv (it was Desperate Housewives), when two of the characters had this conversation (I've called them A and B for simplicity's sake):
A: Because it wasn't enough, not compared to what she did for me...she's this amazing woman and I never bothered to get to know her...it would have been nice to do something before she was ashes.
B: That's a lesson we've all got to learn over and over. Appreciate people while we've still got them.

This couldn't have been a more relevant conversation to hear at this moment in time, particularly in light of the untimely passing of Esther . I didn't know Esther personally, like many other Nerdfighters, but she was a very inspirational person, and one I'd wish I'd know better (hence the quote up the top).

At this moment in time I am reminded of the good the internet can do- people, such as my mother, will judge the interent as a bad place where strangers are all paedophiles (I have no idea if I've spelt that right). Yet, when something terrible happens, such as Esther's death, the internet provides a community such as Nerdfighters- full of people who are all kind and offer support and comfort, despite the fact I know none of them. In fact, the majority don't even live in the same country as me.

Inspired by John Green's video of Esther Day, I'm now going to tell people I love them. I know I've already mentioned my family and friends several times in past entries, but I really do need to let several people know how much I appreciate them. However, I think I've done enough of that in blog form, so if I hug you today randomly, don't be surprised.

DFTBA.

B xxx

EDIT: Esther's family have set up the This Star Won't Go Out Foundation, visit it here.

Seventy Five: Something.

So blogger reliably informs me that the last time I posted was on Friday 13th August, and as you have probably gathered by the fact that I haven't posted since then, I've given up on BEDA. It wasn't a conscious decision, as with JEDI July, it just sort of happened without me realising it.

I just typed an entire paragraph about what I've done since then and it sounds boring, though it was far from it. Thursday, though, was results day. My alarm didn't go off when it was supposed to but I woke up at half 6 anyway. CDD, in case you were wondering, the C being in English Literature and the D's being in English Language and Critical Thinking (it amuses me greatly that I can get the same grade for one subject that I worked stupidly hard in and another for which I didn't even revise for the exam). I won't lie to you, I was disappointed and although I've said I was fine about going to Greenwich, I'd secretly (possibly subconsciously) hoped for Chichester. I poked my mum awake, told her what I'd got and then crawled back to bed. Got up later when I felt slightly calmer and said I was fine about Greenwich (I may have not entirely been telling the whole truth...) and waited for UCAS to let me log in (which it didn't for several hours) while watching Doctor Who dvds (they are oddly comforting). When it did, I found out Chichester hadn't technically rejected me yet, so more waiting. Eventually I got fed up, and the people around me were getting fed up and more than one person had suggested calling the university itself, so I did that and spoke to a nice lady who asked me for my reference number, and said she'd have go and speak to someone with regards to my application. I waited for about two and a half minutes (the longest two and a half minutes of my life, I might add) before she told me I'd got a place. I thanked her, hung up the phone, let out an odd squeaking noise, hugged my mum and danced around the living room.

Anyway, since then I've been relatively happy, I've been talking to people who are doing the same course and are living in the same halls as me and they're all very nice so I'm excited about that and I checked on the Admissions Portal today and the Induction timetable's up, so I have a bit more of an idea of what I'll be doing for the first week at least. I'm not really nervous (not yet, anyway) though various things pop up in my head now and again about what could go wrong, but I try not to think about them.

I know I did a blog entry earlier this month thanking people, but I'd just like to do that again: thank you. You're such lovely, wonderful people and why you put up with me I'll never know, and I love you all.

Mushy part over, it's now time for bed. Sleep before midnight, what do you reckon?

B xxx :)

Seventy Four: The Box.

Today I've been starting to chuck stuff out of my room, and in the process of doing so, I've started putting things in a box that I want to keep but I'm not to sure what to do with. Some of it means something, some of it I just find interesting, so here's a list:

-A little musical box I bought in Austria in 2006.
-An article about David Tennant that my Nana cut out for me.
-A Christmas card from Lydia.
-A tag from a t-shirt that I bought in Mexico.
-A receipt that we all doodled on at one pub quiz.
-An 'I <3 Norway' keyring bought last summer.
-A birthday card from Lydia from 2007.
-More pages of doodles from various pub quizzes.
-A luggage tag given to me by an Australian relative.
-One of those coins that you can get if you put money and a penny into a machine.
-10 Canadian cents.
-A tag from a pass holder I bought.
-A receipt from an Icelandic bank.
-A Doctor Who birthday card given to me by Lydia on my 18th birthday.
-A cabin key.
-A Sound of Music ticket.
-A Leading Student card from secondary school.
-A medal for participating in Race for Life in 2006.
-A ticket to see Michael McIntyre.
-A badge I wore to Guides.
-A paper hat from last Christmas.
-A Oceana pocket guide.
-A ticket from going on the Metro in Paris.
-Badges like my Dad wears when he's working.
-A Les Miserables ticket.
-Cruise cards from 2005, 2006 and 2010.
-A Sapphire Princess pocket guide.
-A badge from when I went skiing.
-A couple of those labels they put on your suitcase from Mexico this year.
-A Poll card.
-Drawings of blob/stick people that I did.
-A badge I wore to Brownies.
-A tube ticket from when I went to see Michael Mcintyre.
-A certificate for writing a 50,000 word 'novel' as part of NaNoWriMo.
-A Yahtzee score sheet.
-Tickets from when I went to see Sally Taylor at BBC Radio Solent.
-A bookmark from Cork, Ireland, advertising Harold's Planet. At the bottom, it says that Harold is hiding inside your head.
-Half of a bus pass holder with a piece of paper that quotes Jeremiah 29:11.
-A postcard of my favourite Banksy piece.
-One of those light up badges I wore on my 18th birthday.
-An old passport photo.
-A tag from my 'I don't speak Icelandic' t-shirt.
-A ticket to go on Eurostar.
-A tag from a present my brother gave me.
-A pass from Soul Survivor 2008.
-A card sent to me by my Mum in Summer 2008.
-My old passport.
-A card with a tram on it that came out of my Moleskine notebook.
-A peg from Soul Survivor with Hebrews 11:1 written on it.
-A prayer taken out of an old prayer journal.
-A 'Happy mood patch' card given to me by my brother; based on the idea that you can sell emotions, taken from the Series 3 Doctor Who episode 'Gridlock'.
-A key ring from Ireland.
-A travel pass from first year at Brockenhurst.
-A cinema ticket for High School Musical 3.
-A tube ticket from when I went on a Sociology trip to London during my first year of college.
-A library card.
-Various photos of my friends and family over the years.
-A postcard from France.
-A guide to magnetic poetry.
-A 2007 tube map.
-A medal I got for piano in primary school.

Sorry if this has been slightly boring.

B xxx :)

Seventy Three: Senses and other things.

Today, I saw: One of my favourite episodes of How I Met Your Mother, called 'Girls Vs Suits'.
Today, I heard: various songs when I put my iPod on shuffle, including Love Lockdown by Kanye West, which I haven't heard in a while.
Today, I smelled: Something odd in my living room which won't go away despite hoovering and cleaning the floor.
Today, I touched: my Penguin. Well, I hugged him.
Today, I tasted: Party Rings which Lydia bought round when she came this morning.
Today, I felt: Tired but happy.
Today, I enjoyed: Lydia coming round and the pub quiz tonight, despite the fact we came last.
Today, I got: Quantum of Solace from LoveFilm in the post.
Today, I bought: Some chips at the pub.
Today, I read: A review of Sherlock by The Guardian.

B xxx :)

Seventy Two: Trock Education.

I forgot to write a blog yesterday. To be honest with you, all I did yesterday was sleep and watch tv, and neither of those things are particularly interesting, so I'm just going to educate you in Trock (that's Time Lord Rock) with these two songs:





I'll see you later.

B xxx :)

Seventy One: I hate having to think of blog titles.

So this morning, at about four or five a.m. the rain woke me up, and I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I started thinking about the following things:


1. Time.
2. People.
3. Decisions.


1. In particular how time passes. You and I both know that there are sixty seconds in a minute, sixty minutes in an hour, twenty four hours in day, seven days in a week etc. However, these logical facts seem to go out of the window in two situations: when you don’t want something to happen (time goes too quickly) i.e. Monday morning, exam results, having to do something you don’t want to do etc and when you want something to happen too much (time goes too slowly) i.e. last lesson on a Friday, waiting to meet someone etc.


2. In particular how people are close minded. I’m not thinking of anyone in particular, but I was thinking of my pet peeves and I think this is one of the biggest. This probably makes me a hypocrite as I’m sure I’ve been close minded quite a few times in my life, but what I really don’t like is when people are so adamant that there opinion is the only one that’s right, and that therefore everyone’s else opinion is wrong. The kind of people who just refuse to listen.


3. In particular how decisions seem so much easier to make after you’ve made them. Seriously, think back to a decision you’ve made and nine times out of ten the most obvious decision to make was staring you right in the face.


Anyway, today I went shopping in Tesco and bought more food than I need because I like to eat and got my photos taken in the photo booth thing for my meal card for Chichester. Came home and tidied up because my mum’s friend Helen and her baby Emily (who is now about seven months old and keeps growing every time I see her) came round and Emily played with my Penguin. She tried to eat him, actually. They left and I lounged around, procrastinating from doing anything useful. I got a card from my mum, with some postcards to post to other people so there’s that to do tomorrow.


B xxx :)

Seventy: Good mood continues.

Today I went to see Toy Story 3. I wasn't too sure what to expect, having not really seen any of the trailers for it (the only related thing I've seen about it on tv is an advert for pull ups, which doesn't really tell you anything about the film...) and only heard that it was really good from various people. It went far beyond my expectations- I think I may prefer it to the first two. I won't tell you what happens in the film itself because there are probably many, many places where you can read a more articulate summary than what I could give you, so I'll just tell you that I thought it was really clever how all the little things that you didn't pay attention to were suddenly vital to the plot and the ending was emotional- the kind of thing that my mum would have cried at.

I fell asleep on the sofa bed in the conservatory listening to the Ricky Gervais show on my iPod, as is becoming a habit these days; one that I need to get out of actually because it means I don't sleep at night. I watched the last episode of Sherlock, which had a more frustrating ending than that of FlashForward. I don't know if they're making a new series, but I don't think they'd leave us with an ending like that if they weren't.

Today, I saw: This video, which everyone should watch, particularly if you're a fan of Doctor Who, or like Trock.
Today, I heard: The latest Nowhere Near News podcast, which is genius.
Today, I smelled: Popcorn in the cinema.
Today, I touched: A cookie that had been in my bag for about a week and a half, only I hadn't noticed it was there because it was covered in a black tissue.
Today, I tasted: Baked beans. I couldn't think of anything interesting...

I'm watching last night's Three in a Bed and they have a bathroom with a jacuzzi bath and a tv. I need to visit Blackpool.

On a final, scary, note: This time next week my mum and my brother will be home, and it's only 9 days to exam results. How did this happen?!

B xxx :)

Sixty Nine: Moments like these.

Ever so often, when I get stressed or I'm feeling down, I think back to a particular time when I laughed, or an evening as good as the one I've just had. I came last once and second twice (Yes, I did have to think about that then) which wasn't too bad. Lydia and I discovered that the balls we were using were designed for men, and the balls Dominic and Andy were using were designed for women...

Anyway, neither Lydia or I had had any tea so we went to the drive through (or 'thru' as they're written. I just couldn't bring myself to write it.) at KFC, where I had the zinger meal, which I haven't had for a long, long time and I'd forgotten how hot it was (my method for eating it probably didn't help: I tried to put as much of it in my mouth as possible). Andy and I got ice creams from McDonalds and we all sat in the car, commenting on random stuff. On the way home we listened to the radio and disovered some kind of American station that talked about road rage; one of the men who spoke had one of those accents that are just ridiculous.

To sum up: I know none of the above makes sense, but basically I had a good time so that's always good :)

Today, I saw: A baby with a very odd hairstyle.

Today, I heard: A song that reminded me of someone.
Today, I smelled: Nail polish remover and nail polish. Most people tend to hate these smells, but my nail polish remover smells orange-y so I don't mind.
Today, I touched: A bowling ball.
Today, I tasted: That zinger meal. My throat will recover.

I'm trying to type 'practically' using predictive text, only it comes up with 'spatialy'. That's right, my phone invents words now.  
 
I'll see you tomorrow. Oh, I forgot to update on my goals...I don't think I've achieved any of them, though this morning I flicked through a book on the Sony Walkman but it has some...'interesting' pictures. I've just searched on Google but they've obviously decided they're too weird for people to see.
 
Good night. I'll see you tomorrow.
 
B xxx :)

Sixty Eight: Normality.

Two facts about what I've done today:

-This morning Lydia came round.
-This afternoon I went shopping with Nana and bought some more stuff that I don't really need, like these boots, this ring and two Series 5 Doctor Who dvds.

I'm going to take an idea from this blog, which is:

Today, I saw: Some old YouTube videos that made me laugh.
Today, I heard: About a million screaming children who decided to be in town at the same time I was.
Today, I smelled: The rain.
Today, I touched: Many soft things, including a fur handbag. It was...odd.
Today, I tasted: The best Millionaire's Shortbread from John Lewis. Worth the price.

B xxx :)

Sixty Seven: 'Oh, I almost forgot to write a blog entry...'

I bought quite a lot of junk food today because I could, and as the lady (she was called Antoinette. I immediately thought of Doctor Who.) did the beepy thing and packed my bags (this makes me sound lazy but in Tesco Express they do it for you. Anyway if you think I'm lazy then the bathroom place and the shops next to it still have their Christmas lights up. In August.) I wondered if she judged me by what I was buying. I do it frequently in Oxfam- if somebody buys Twilight, for example, I instantly judge them to have a bad taste in literature.

Anyway, if you think I'm weird for thinking these things, my mum rang from Alaska and said "Beth, I feel a hug coming on. I hugged a tree and I thought of you." She then went on to advise me to hug my penguin and that she would hug her stomach.

I'll see you tomorrow.

B xxx

Sixty Six: Fashion related stuff.

I don't really feel like talking about my day, so instead I'm going to share with you a few of my favourite pages from the A/W 2010 edition of Elle Collections. It is a work of art.

You can't see but the cover is actually full of models in differnet colours. Pretty.

I wish I had a better camera so you could see the colours of this,  because I love them. It almost makes me look forward to Autumn.

These are all the invitations that get sent. Some of them are very creative.

I like the nails here.

I wish I had these shoes and the ability to walk in them.

<>

And now blogger won't let me add any photos so you're just going to have to have these.
B xxx :)

Sixty Five: Thank You.

The following people above (apart from me) and many more have all been incredibly...well, I hate to use the word, but- nice. They are all very lovely and patient and I love them all.

B xxx :)

Sixty Four: Relationships of most kinds.

"Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts."

Charles Dickens

So a couple of months or so ago I said this on twitter.

I thought now would be as good time as any to actually start that.


First of all, the types of relationships we have with strangers. Back in June when I tweeted that, I had just had my first experience on Omegle. I found it somewhat disorientating. I still felt self conscious, despite the fact that I was talking to a complete and utter stranger who wasn’t to know whether I was telling the truth or not and I could, in fact, be anyone who I wanted to be. A perfect route of escapism, if you will. If you wanted to, you could literally spend hours pretending to be someone who you’re not. Anyway, after disconnecting the many perverts, horny men and the just downright weird, I found a couple of people who were actually using the site to communicate with people positively. For example, someone said 'you're beautiful/handsome, don't change who you are!' before disconnecting. Someone else said 'Everyone in this room, they got troubles too. Secrets, stories and lies that we never knew...' (I’ve just googled that last one because I thought they might be song lyrics, and they are).


The internet is really one big collection of strangers, and a particular collection of strangers I’ve started to become more involved in is the YouTube community. People have argued that the community has changed too much, that YouTube ‘celebrities’ as they are now known are simply trying to making a profit and have led to a ‘downfall’ in the community, that it no longer exists. I’ve been fairly apathetic towards the situation up until recently when I’ve started to notice some particular examples of how the essence of the community hasn’t changed- for example, the fact that simply by voting, the Harry Potter Alliance won $250,000 to help decrease world suck and generally do amazing things like, well, this explains it pretty well. This year I’m going to Summer in the City, which is my first YouTube gathering. I’m also going by myself. The people on the Facebook page and on YouTube and have been wonderfully reassuring. As Jazza put it in his latest blog entry: "Whenever it is someone’s first gathering, they are meeting people that may become long standing features of their world. YouTube attracts a certain kind of person; we’re all a bit too nerdy for our own good, we all like meeting new people and we all like to show off a bit. No matter how much YouTube changes, no matter how commercial it will or will not become, whether you call them a Pogotribe, Nerdfighters or just plain YouTubers, this kind of person will still be coming to these kinds of meet-ups."


A completely opposite to the relationships we have with the strangers are the relationships we have with family and friends. Family are the people who are supposed to know you best and to some extent I think they do- for example, my mum claims to know she can always tell when I’m upset. I used to think parents- my parents in particular are a good example of this- were too protective of their children. I haven't really been able to understand the emotional link parents have with their children, not being a parent myself, not until about six months ago when a few of my mum's friends/relatives started having children. Before that, I have never felt any real desire to have children, never understood why people ooh and ahh over tiny screaming babies. However, when my mum's friend handed me her ridiculously small baby about six months ago and I watched as she sleepily opened her eyes and grabbed my finger (actually it was more like she grabbed my fingernail, probably in amazement at the length of it.), I felt a lump in my throat, and I understood why parents feel the need to protect their children. Anyway, this has been a bit mushy *coughs*. Let's move on.


I think friendships are on the hardest types of relationships. They usually require the most effort when things go wrong, yet are often the most rewarding. They require a great deal of trust. I'm personally not good at making friends- I talk too much, I try too hard and I know I'm too weird. However, there are times when the other person will graciously look past this and we get to talking about something we have in common (with Lydia it was books, Harry Potter and Hobbycraft, I think).


Friendships can develop in all sorts of ways, and one of the more positive ways they can develop is in to a relationship. Practically all of the boys I've gone out with I've been friends with first. However, it never seems to end well. This is how it goes- I meet someone, become friends with them, they tell me they like me/I tell them I like them, we go out, I get dumped. What I'm far more experienced in is unrequited love. It is an unfair, cruel and horrible thing that shouldn't exist, but yet it does and dealing with it is something I have yet to work out how to do affectively.

There are also relationships I haven't experienced, but may do in the future. I admire people in long distance relationships- whether the distance between them is a couple of hundred miles or a couple of thousand. My parents are a sort of example for this- my dad works as an electrical engineer on cruise ships for about half of the year. When my mum comes back from holiday, there will be goodness know how many miles between her and my dad (who is in Alaska at the moment). Another relationship that I haven't experienced- and I can't say at this moment in time whether I will or not- is the kind of relationship that has lasted decades. I'm talking about the elderly couple who you see walking down the street holding hands that have been together for goodness knows how long and are still in love. Sounds impossible, but it happens.

To predict the rest of my day, I’ll probably finish watching Sherlock as I’m half way through the first episode (by the way Benedict Cumberbatch is a fantastic name. What were his parents thinking?), sunbathe if the sun comes out, finish reading You Shall Know Our Velocity, start on reading for uni, see if I need to get any more food/drink for tonight’s film night, hoover and then flop on the sofa.


B xxx :)

Sixty Three: Quiet please.

You can expect this entry to be fairly short, by head feels like a John Green bobblehead- oversized and a bit too heavy to be attached to my body.

Today has been frustrating to say the least, and right now all I want to do is find a pillow and a bed, preferably mine, and be in them.

I will see you tomorrow, when I'll finished my blog/essay on relationships I promised you months and months ago, and when hopefully the quality of my entries will improve.

B xxx

Sixty Two: August.

"You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling."

Eames, Inception

Seeing as I failed at JEDI July, I thought I would attempt BEDA (Blog Every Day in August). This month promises to be more interesting than last month.

Along time ago I used to set myself weekly goals and I thought for this month in particular I would start doing that again. It ensures I don't just procrastinate by sitting on twitter/facebook/insert other pointless social networking site here and hitting the refresh button. So:

1. Read books for uni.
I know this needs to be done but I've sort of avoided doing it. I think I'm worried I'll read them and think they're written in a foreign language when the reality is I'll probably be able to understand a lot more than I think.

2. Read other books.
I'm half way through You Shall Know Our Velocity and it's a good book, so I wanted to finish reading that and make a start on the other books I listed in my last entry.

3. Prepare for/go to Summer in the City.
I am, at the moment, more nervous than excited. There is so much that could potentially wrong that I don't really want to think about it- just getting there is going to be interesting enough. I have come to the conclusion though that should I get there and I proceed to talk too much/make an idiot of myself etc, then at least I'm still in London. A few people on the Facebook event page have said they're going by themselves too, so that's a bit reassuring.

I can't think of any others right now so maybe I'll update if I think of any more.

Seeing as I've started on a Sunday, weekly goals will start then.

This hasn't been a bad first entry, I suppose. You can expect them to go downhill from here.

B xxx :)

P.S. After falling asleep on the sofa this afternoon for a couple of hours I can confirm that I am officially old. I'll be ordering a zimmer frame next.