Forty One: Brilliant.

Forty: Have you missed me?

"now I squeeze your hand tight 

after everything we did,

I know this is the last night

they’ll ever think of us as kids,

as we drive around and around

trying to escape this town"

Summer of '09- Alan Lastufka and ALL CAPS

Hello, this is Beth's Penguin here again, who writes her blog for her whenever she doesn't feel like it/hides in the wardrobe/has done something stupid, and now we can add a new reason: feeling guilty.

Beth wants to say that she's gone back to college and hates it more than ever, despite the fact that for the first time, she felt normal while she was there. Usually Beth feels out of place, hates lessons, hates teachers and generally doesn't like the place. But anyway...

Beth's been up in the loft today and wouldn't recommend it if you have a fear of falling. 

I'm in meetings with Walker's to discuss tuna flavoured crisps. I plan to convert the world to a tuna diet by 2012.

Summer of '09 is an addictive song. And I'm a Penguin. I don't like summer.

Goodbye <3

Days until Beth's birthday: 1 week 6 days.

Days until holiday: 1 month 1 week.
Days until the end of college: 3 months 30 days. She thinks. She's confused...

Thirty Nine:

"Everyone is trying to get to the bar..."

Heaven- Talking Heads (the version in My Sister's Keeper)

It's been one of those days when I don't know what the right thing to say is.

Thirty Eight: The half term summary and some other rambly stuff.

"You can't see past the worst case scenario

You'd be happier instead

If you'd stayed in bed"

Worst Case Scenario- The Hoosiers

Monday- Shower and fall asleep waiting for my hair to dry in my mum's bed. Wake up, drink many cups of tea, watch Finding Nemo and moan to people on msn until my laptop dies.

Tuesday- Go food shopping with my mum and end up with some earrings and four dvds (P.S. I Love You, Confessions of a Shopaholic, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and The Pianist).
Wednesday- my brother's 16th birthday. We went bowling (I won both games and manage to get several strikes) and managed to park in Odeon for free (they charge you for parking if it's before midday) and walked- well, my mum and I did some Michael McIntyre style skipping past Ikea- to Pizza Express, where it was ridiculously busy. Other people who had arrived after us were getting their food, so my mum complained and explained that we were going to the cinema so wouldn't have enough time for pudding, so we ended up not having to pay for our starters or our puddings- which we were given in takeaway bowls. It felt weird but nice walking through Southampton in the sunshine- we got a few odd looks from people who were stuck in traffic. My mum and my brother went to see Invictus and I went to see Valentine's Day, which was alright.
Thursday- Town, shopping. Spent a lot of money and I can't quite remember what on, though I did buy some new clothes. Pub quiz in the evening; we came 8th out of 18th, which I think was due to the fact that Lydia and Dominic's aunt and uncle came with us.
Friday- Met with Helen and Katie to discuss CU and some non CU things at Cadnam Garden Center, which was a lot of fun and definitely took my mind off things. Katie insisted on showing us the lizards in the pet store, because they were "cute" (verdict: definitely not cute.) and there were some odd fish type things and crabs (in case you didn't know already know this about me: I hate crabs. I really do. There is nothing right about them. *shivers*) which I tried to avoid and stick to the fish section. There were a couple of clownfish that I wanted to take home with me (I know, I really need to stop watching Finding Nemo) but I don't think my mum would have been too happy with me...

And the weekend was just like any other normal weekend: I went to Oxfam on Saturday and did nothing on Sunday (I watched the Olympics. Oh, and I got a gold at figure skating...on the Wii :P).

Now it's Monday, and I need to go and get ready 'cause I'm going to a concert in Southampton because it's FREE and it's been a while since I've heard anyone but me play the piano. This week is moderation week so I don't have any English lessons, which means I only have to go in on Wednesday afternoon and Friday morning (because I point blank refuse to go in tomorrow just for Key Skills. I'm considering whether to go to Critical Thinking after my teacher gave me 3/3/4. A 4! I don't like the woman and she doesn't like me.) which I suppose isn't too bad...but I'd rather not be there at all. Still, I have a countdown until my last exam. And there's Easter and May half term and study leave...I'm going on holiday at Easter and I can't wait to leave the country.

Argh, I only have half an hour to eat and get ready. My mum's just given me a toasted hot cross bun (despite the fact it's not Easter yet) and some hot chocolate, and they both smell really good...

B xxx

Days until my birthday: 2 weeks 3 days.
Days until holiday: 1 month 1 week 4 days.
Days until the end of college: 4 months 2 days.

Thirty Seven: The things I do...

...at 3am when everyone else is sleeping. Or snoring, as in my mother's case.

1. Worry.
You should have seen that one coming.

2. Write.
I don't the diary I have is going to last me the whole year, given how much I've used of it already.

3. Read.
Mainly the things I need to for English Lit, which at the moment is Oedipus Rex. Still taking book recommendations.

4. Walk.
It's FREEZING outside. But it's not raining, so...

5. Eat.
Because I'm hungry. That's usually why people eat.

6. Become very bored.
I wish there was someone else to talk to, but because everyone else I know has sensible sleeping patterns, they're asleep.

This has become one of the most boring entries I've ever written. My brain clearly doesn't function at 3 in the morning.

Thirty Six:

"When you have a problem with someone you tend to talk to everyone except them."
JD, Scrubs Series 6

Perfectly true.
I really want to talk to someone (yes, I have someone in mind) but I can't, because it's highly likely they wouldn't listen and I'm scared of their answer. Wimp and proud. Instead, I'm talking to the people I know'll kinda have to listen (because they're my friends and it's in the job description).
It's 6am. I don't like this time of the day.
I can't remember what real sleep feels like.

"I'm here with you because I like you- very much. And that's the beginning, middle and end of it."

From Knife Edge by Malorie Blackman

Goodbye.