Ninety Six: Goobledy gook.

"Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope!"

Alice, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

I'll be honest with you, I am missing one of my best friends. However, there is very little that can be done about the situation, as apologising would be pointless, speech is not something I am capable of, my heart hurts so naturally my instincts tell me to hide out in the library and watch Doctor Who (all I have to say about that is: Steven Moffat, what are you doing to my emotions?). I don't want to reduce people to a list of things and memories, but yet this what I'm doing:

1. Jacqueline Wilson books.
2. Hobbycraft.
3. Prefect duty.
4. Mr Porter and 'make it work!'. 
5. Skipping Orchestra and going back to yours.
6. Watching ridiculous music videos. 
7. Flying saucers. 
8. Putting too many marshmallows in my mouth. 
9. Michael McIntyre. 
10. YouTube. 
11. Seeing Alex Day, Eddplant and Tom Milsom perform. 
12. Soul Survivor. 
13. Prefect 'duty'. 
14. Our duet.
15. 'Men are like party rings...'
16. White chocolate. 
17. GCSE Art and Queen. 
18. Harry Potter. 
19. David Tennant. 
20. Doctor Who. 
21. That necklace we bought when we were in about year 8. I have the one that says 'Best' on it. 
22. The Kooks. 
23. School trip to the Tate. 
24. Music practise room. 
25. The bench. 
26. Blue or red boxers, I can never remember which. 
27. Following on from the above: Usher. 
28. Boomshine. 
29. The pub. 
30. Paris. 
31. That time when we couldn't stop laughing and no one knew why.
32. Paperchase. 
33. The wall at college. 
34. Church. 




I know this doesn't prove anything, but this is what's inside my head right now, and I felt the need to get it out. That's all. 

Ninety Five: Thought. Possibly thoughts.

So I think a lot. And I've come to the conclusion that whether people leave by choice or not, with explanation or not, with saying goodbye first or not, it still sucks. It really sucks. I don't think I can put in to words how much it sucks, so you should just take it from me that it does and I'll leave it at that. But either way there's still a person missing from your life and you find yourself questioning the role that person played in your life. Because there are people -a surprising amount of people- who actually make a difference in your life, who make your life better, who make you better, and some times you don't realise it, because it's not this big, grand gesture, it's a little thing, or lots of little things. And then after they leave, and some times it's your fault, and then you have to start again, shape you life again around the gap that they leave.
Anyway, that's all I have to say. 
B xxx

Ninety Four:

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one!'"

C.S. Lewis

So this really isn't write a entry every day in July, but more just write more entries than usual in July...but BALMFIJ (Blogging a Little More Frequently in July) doesn't really have a ring to it. 


One of the most important things I need to discuss is Harry Potter. It's been a week since I saw it and it's still not sunk in that there are no more films to look forward to. I don't feel able to put into words how I feel about the last film, but I actually cried. I say actually because I've never cried at a film before- I felt all mushy and welled up- but I started when McGonagall and everyone were putting the protective spells around Hogwarts and then by the end I just couldn't stop. If I was going to cry at any film, I'm glad it was that one. 


In other news, I had a job interview at the ferry- I find out if I got it by the end of today. The interview went well but I'm not sure if there'll be someone who's got more experience than me that'll get the job. 


I don't really feel like talking about anything else, and I'm hungry, so...


B xxx


Reading: Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. 
Listening: Teenage Rebel by Chameleon Circuit. 
Watching: Torchwood. 
Drinking: Tea. 
Eating: Lunch. 
Smelling: Rain. 

Ninety Three: zzz.

"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."

Franklin Roosevelt

One is reminded daily that life cannot stop, however much one wishes it too. One says to one's self that one's current situation cannot last forever, and therefore one should remain hopeful. But yet one does not, as one's situation sucks. And now one has started referring to  one's self as one, one is finding it rather hard to stop. 


I went to Hythe today, and ended up buying two dresses and a cardigan...yeah, I'm supposed to be saving money. I drove my Nana's car this afternoon, which was horrible as the gas pedal is really weird and it's all just odd and a bit like starting driving all over again but I didn't crash, or stall. 


I don't really have much to say today, sorry about that...


B xxx


Reading: The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chobosky. 
Listening: For Good from the Wicked soundtrack. 
Drinking: Whatever. 
Eating: Roast dinner. 
Smelling: Ant powder. 

Ninety Two

"For my part I know nothing of any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream."

Vincent Van Gogh

I have 20 minutes until the battery on my laptop dies...unless I suddenly develop an idea for a ridiculously long blog post, I think I can manage this entry in time. 


So yesterday my parents got back about 8 and my brother got back about midnight, so our entire house has descended into chaos and the living room has disappeared under piles of clothes. 


Today involved going in to town in order for my dad to swap the jacket he bought the other day for something better, which basically involved me and my Mum sounding a bit like Gok Wan, pulling out jackets and saying things along the lines of  "No, I don't think that one will do, it won't go with those trousers" and "He's definitely a 42, maybe a 40. We need one with longer sleeves though" during which my Dad looked slightly annoyed but bemused at the same time. My mum and I shopped around the sales for a bit in John Lewis- I didn't find anything I could afford...I've been told I have expensive taste. We had time to kill so we ventured into Hollister, aka the darkest shop in the world. They had some really nice stuff in there, but none of it that I could afford (again). I feel a trip to Primark coming on...


B xxx 


Reading: The Rain Before It Falls by Jonathan Coe.
Listening: Rewind by Goldspot. 
Watching: Top Gear.
Drinking: Hot Chocolate. 
Eating: Lemon Cake. 
Smelling: Clean sheets. 

Ninety One: One of those days.

"...unrequited love can be survived in a way that once requited love cannot."

John Green

I am only human, and therefore as I am only human, I am subject to days, that well, suck. And when these days happen there is very little I can do, except to roll with it, to ride it out, etc (insert similar phrases here). 


Okay, so I suck majorly at keeping up with this blog. Oh, and because I'm using Google Chrome, it's just informed me that 'majorly' isn't a word and suggested I replace it with 'majorca'. No. Anyway, I haven't been up to much in the past week or so, due to the fact that I live in a country with rubbish weather. I painted the fences in the back garden on Monday, which proved oddly therapeutic. Tuesday and Wednesday involved sitting on the sofa eating my body weight in junk food. Thursday I went and drank tea in Costa with Andrew and we came up with some genius ideas that we're going on Dragons Den with. We're going to be millionaires. Pub quiz followed in the evening, where we came second to last...bit of a fail. Yesterday I had a driving lesson in which I ended up having to practise clutch control and drove on dual carriageway and over two flyovers and round lots of scary roundabouts. Today...well, I have to tidy up and paint fences and sort out paperwork, none of which I really want to do. 


B xxx


Reading: erm...nothing right now. 
Listening: The A Team by Ed Sheeran. 
Watching: Russell Howard's Good News.
Drinking: Hot chocolate. 
Eating: Rice Krispies. 
Smelling: Washing up liquid. 

Ninety: Sunday.

“I was one of those weird children that just couldn’t talk to people, so I kind of had to make myself be not like that because I knew it was going to hinder me. I was going on stage trying to sing but couldn’t get anything out. My voice was quivering but I knew that I just had to keep on doing it because you only get scared of stuff that you don’t know; you’ve just got to familiarise yourself with it and then it’s fine.”

Karen Gillan

It is Sunday, the day in our household where nobody really does anything and it's pretty much guaranteed that we're all going to be in the house. I didn't really do anything significant this morning, just stayed in bed and finished listening to Michael McIntyre's audiobook whilst drinking hot chocolate, then got up and watched Penn & Teller from last night. It's a good show, and it's making me really want to try and learn magic...however knowing my lack of co-ordination and general clumsiness, it might take a while. 

I spent the afternoon downloading music...if you have any recommendations, I'll have a listen. I think I've got a bit of everything on my iPod. Made the most of the sun this afternoon whilst trying to ignore my mum shouting "COME ON NADAL!!" at the TV. Ate homemade scones and drank tea (because I'm British :P). Fairly standard day, really.  

B xxx :)

Reading: High Fidelity by Nick Hornby (still...).
Listening: What You Know by Two Door Cinema Club.
Watching: The Railway Children (re-visiting my childhood). 
Drinking: Tea. 
Eating: Scones. 
Smelling: Feet.